Honestly, 10x magnifying mirrors should come with the same government health warning like cigarettes: “WARNING: May cause sudden loss of dignity, confidence, and the will to live.”
Here’s the thing. No menopausal woman should EVER stand over one of those mirrors. One minute you’re innocently checking if your eyeliner’s smudged, the next you’ve discovered a chin hair thick enough to lasso cattle.
And you don’t just see it – oh no, under 10x zoom it looks like the Amazon rainforest has relocated to your jawline and upper lip. You lean in, and suddenly your pores look like lunar craters, your nose hairs are auditioning for The Lion King, and your entire face is so close up it could be mistaken for a David Attenborough documentary.
Fellas – to put this in perspective, it’s like looking down and discovering your “Trouser-snake area” under a microscope. What you thought was fine suddenly looks like an episode of Stranger Things.
And the posture! You’re hunched over like a vulture, squinting, breathing heavily through your nose, (most-likely in mis-matching underwear) while brandishing tweezers like surgical instruments. And for the love of all things Holy, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT stand over one whilst it’s lay down – I scared the shit out of myself when I did it – I looked Bagpuss on a three-day hangover from crystal meth.!
Honestly, these mirrors don’t belong in bathrooms. They belong locked away in nuclear bunkers. If the government really wanted to protect menopausal women, they’d slap a sticker on them that says:
“Use at your own risk. May trigger uncontrollable tears, effing and jeffing, or filing for divorce.”
So yes, forget banning plastic straws. Ban 10x magnifying mirrors. Save a menopausal marriage today.!
© The Menopause Raconteur 2025. All rights reserved.
SHARE this blog post with your menopausal girlfriends and their blokes — he might not be able to find her G-spot, but he’ll definitely spot the bloody whiskers!”
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