Fella’s – your wife’s menopausal? Congrats! You’ve officially enrolled in the 3 AM Hormonal Hunger Games. No refunds. No sleep. Just vibes. Your reward? A front-row seat to The Midnight Hormone Wanderer – every. single. night.
Here’s what you need to know:
The Guest of Honour:
Your wife. She’s awake, she’s sparkling… and by sparkling, I mean internally screaming while folding the laundry by colour gradient at 3:14 a.m.
The DJ:
Her hormones. They spin tracks like:
“Why is Everything on Fire?”
“Let’s Reconsider Every Life Choice Since 1997”
And the crowd favourite: “I Absolutely Must Alphabetise the Pantry RIGHT NOW”
The Venue:
Your bedroom. Or the kitchen. Or the living room. Basically, anywhere she can pace while plotting a “full house inspection.”
Her Activities (aka Insomnia Events):
Staring into the fridge like it owes her an explanation.
Alphabetising spices.
Folding laundry by emotional trauma levels.
Googling “how to build a silent pillow fortress”
Your Role:
Emotional support: nod, smile, and occasionally hand over chocolate like a peace treaty.
Safety enforcement: gently suggest pillows over knives.
Clean-up crew: congratulations, this is your life now.
Survival Tips:
Pretend the disco of existential dread is fun.
Carry menopausal snacks. ALWAYS.
If she wants to talk about childhood regrets at 3:42 a.m., listen like it’s a TED Talk.
Invest in earplugs… and maybe a small hammock in the garage.
Reminder:
She’s not “crazy.” She’s on a hormonal rave tour that lasts from 2 a.m. to whenever the hell she collapses. You? You’re just along for the ride, clutching your pillow like a life raft.
Bonus Hack: If she’s staring at the ceiling screaming “WHY IS THE UNIVERSE SO UNFAIR?!” hand her a chocolate bar, a glass of water, and whisper: “You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Also… can I sleep now?”
© The Menopause Raconteur 2025. All rights reserved.
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